Finding the balance between work and your personal life can be a challenge. I find this issue to be an important aspect in the physical and mental health of both my own personal journey, and that of my clients. I find this to be a common denominator in almost all of my consultations, and it is an area of conversation that should be discussed more. I choose to address it first here. Demand of our time, our emotions, our families, our employment, and society can cause undue mental and physical stress on the body, and not everyone deals with it in the same way. Some don’t deal with it at all, or don’t know the first place to start. I will first share my ongoing challenges, and then discuss ways to handle this balancing act.
I definitely see a difference in how my work schedule and demands on myself are much different than my husband’s. I own my own business and need to manage the time I spend between the business, my teaching, my clients, my writing, my volunteer time, the home, finances, and family. My husband works hard both at work and in projects around the home, loves his family and will do anything for us, is a coach in volleyball, and loves to play the sport himself. There is an imbalance in the amount of required work within the home that could be shared more. How we both deal with the added stressors in our lives are handled completely different between the two of us, and this difference is how we managed to stay together for the last 23 years of marriage. Our personalities are almost complete opposites. He’s always been the calm to my storm, and it has worked to balance both of us.
The stressors in our lives and how we both deal with it together, is separate from how we deal with our stressors individually. He tends to keep his stress buried deep inside while I tend to let my feelings out so to speak, and both of us will add more fuel to the fire by demanding more of ourselves personally. Have you ever done that to yourself? Been more demanding of yourself than your work or society has put on you? Can you say Type A personality? I am comparing how both my husband and I deal with our stressors to show you that everyone handles it differently, and that our bodies will handle it differently too. In other words, no two people will heed the same advice, but could benefit from hearing the options available. This is the reason for individual consultations so that I can help recommend the right course of actions for each person. Hopefully, some of my suggestions will coincide with your individual needs.
Some people want to put all their energy into their work, while others put it into their family and home. Some try to do it all without a moment to themselves. Some people feel trapped in their schedules and do not know how to manage their time. Others feel they have the time and don’t know what to do with it. Work has always been a priority here in the United States, and also a necessity. The average work is 40 hours a week with some people working more than one job, or they are working more than 40 hours a week. On top of this work week, we combine the work (or chores) needed at home. The required balancing of the checkbook and paying of the bills, the housework, the cooking, getting the groceries, outside chores, and taking care of any children we might have. The balance is in how much time we each need, want, or have to put into this combined work along with the time we need, want, or have to put into our relationships and ourselves.
Now that has all been said, let’s come back to how I have balanced work and my personal life. My mental and physical health was being challenged between my anxiety and immunity issues. Stress had a lot to do with it. I had to take a hard look at everything I need to do, everything I want to do, and everything I should do and place these into columns. I knew that extra time was needed for my mother’s health issues, my children’s needs along with my new granddaughter, and my youngest getting ready for college. I wanted to spend more time with my husband as empty nesters, put the extra time into my writing, and find more time to enjoy nature. I was overwhelmed, and I needed to rethink my priorities. I had to make time for what was needed, what should be done, and what I wanted in my life. I had to put myself as a priority and lessen the demands and stress I was feeling. Having everything put into these columns made me take that look at my priorities, my schedule, and how much time I had left over to do the things I wanted for myself. My advice for you is to make this same list and be sure make yourself a priority too. Everyone’s list and priorities will be different, but that’s alright. We are all on a different path or journey.
I volunteered as the Vice Chair of the American Herbalist Guild and as the Treasurer over the last two and a half years, and I am proud of the work and progress that I contributed along with the work hours I volunteered. What I did decide was that this was not a priority of mine in life at this time, and the demands and hours put into this work was not helping my mental or physical health. I love the AHG and what it stands for, but I resigned last June to put myself as a priority and lessen my workload. Maybe at another point in my life I will be ready to do that once more, but for now, I couldn’t. It felt weird putting myself as a priority and making that decision, but it was the best decision I made for myself and my family. There might be something you need to eliminate in your own life as you make yourself a priority. I just want you to give yourself permission to do so.
I took a hard look at my own health and have added beneficial herbs, dietary supplements, and lifestyle changes that will help my body deal with the extra stressors and balance my mental and physical health. I used herbs for my endocrine, nervous, and immune system to help balance myself. Adaptogen herbs such as Holy basil for the endocrine system (which also acted to relax my nervous system), Milky Oats as a trophorestorative for my nervous system, Violet for my nervous system, and medicinal mushrooms to balance the immune system are some of the herbs I have been using. I tend to be warm and drying and these herbs work to balance my energetics as well. Make sure to research any herb you want to add prior to using them and look specifically at the contraindications and interactions of each. I have added dietary supplementation of magnesium glycinate, Vitamin D3, and B-complex vitamins to help with deficiencies and encouraging health in the body systems I wanted to address. I am also now taking time to meditate and spend more time in nature enjoying the fresh air and connecting with the plants that I love.
My advice to those of you reading this is:
1). Make yourself a priority when looking at your needs, wants, and demands of society. Do something for yourself because life is short, and you can’t be there for anyone else in your life if you aren’t there for yourself. Health begins with you, and you should be the first priority in life with work and personal needs just after that. Balancing work and your personal life can be challenging and requires an effort on your part in each. Find one thing you need to do for yourself, and one thing you have always wanted to do and incorporate that into your life.
2.) Make that list of needs, wants, and the should’ve and could’ve in your life that you have always meant to do! Put them in columns and number the priorities. What do you need to keep, add, or get rid of in your life? Make sure you add in that one thing you need to do for yourself, and the one thing you have always wanted to do!
3.) Make boundaries for yourself and stick to them! Do you want your weekends to be free of working? Are you going to avoid checking your emails when you are at home? Are Fridays for you alone? Are you going to stay off of social media on certain days to make more time for yourself? As a business owner, I make boundaries all the time. I will not give out my cell number to clients because I need the extra space away from my business. I will not hold consultations on the weekends. I will not answer my work phone after 5pm. A personal boundary might be that you will only meet someone new in a public place. Whatever is important to you, or makes you feel safer can be added here.
4.) Learn new coping skills! Do you need to learn time management, learn to meditate, or add new techniques to overcome anxiety? Could you exercise more, take a walk or hike in nature, or add in extra time with family and friends? All of this could help in how you deal with the stressors in your own life.
5.) Find your personal wellness coach! Do you want to add herbs, better nutrition, yoga, meditation, counseling, chiropractic, hypnotherapy, or acupuncture into your life to balance your own health? Look for professionals in your area and check for credentials.
6.) Make sure to follow through with your choices and making yourself a priority! Take it one step at a time if you need to, or make one change at a time if needed. Don’t overwhelm yourself.
7.) Add to your calendar each month a plan to review this list. Are you sticking to the list? Did you incorporate more time for yourself? Did you add a new coping skill? Have you succeeded in reducing your stress? Did you adhere to your own boundaries? Have you picked a personal wellness coach and followed up with them? Reviewing this list can help you see where you might need more help, or help direct you in learning a new coping skill.
I am hoping that this advice can help you balance your work and personal life while also helping to make time for yourself in this busy world. These steps have helped myself and my clients reduce stress and balance their own health in the process. Taking the time to follow these steps can help make your life more enjoyable.